Alex Band UK

Wow, that was insane. Both exciting and frightening. Fun and scary. Strange and familiar. Like any tour it had its ups and downs…but this one also had its side to sides. We were on top of the world one minute, then being held hostage the next, seriously. It was a love-hate relationship for me and my stomach. A pure hate relationship for me and my body. But a true and overwhelmingly strong love relationship for me and, well, my brain. Yes, I’ve played some shows over the last 4 years while being stuck in this “solo album” never-ending cycle, but I haven’t TOURED…. And this was a TOUR. Albeit the most poorly put together mess of a tour I have ever done! But we didn’t care, we were having the time of our lives, even when our lives were being threatened at every turn. Let me walk you through the insanity of the last 3 weeks. Enjoy the ride:)

June 18th.

Where else would a tour start? The airport of course! For some bizarre reason that probably involved $, the promoter for this tour flew my drummer and bassist (Daniel and Joey) and my friend/videographer extraordinaire Jethro, on an entirely different airline and schedule than Arms and I. They were on an American airline…uh, called American, while Arms and I were on TAM, the fine Brazilian airline that likes to crash a little too often for my taste. And while Joey, Daniel and Jethro were flying Los Angeles to Texas to Sao Paulo, Brazil…Arms and I were flying Los Angeles to New York to Brazil. Hmmmm, I look at the earth and our planned course and wonder why?….this is a good 5 hours more flying time then Joey, Daniel and Jethro’s itinerary (let’s just call them JDJ for now). OK, so Arms and I got going at 6am while JDJ were to leave LA some hours later. Our flight to NY was uneventful, we were high on our excitement for the tour, talking about all the little details we had been planning for so long. We had a 5-hour layover at the airport in NY, which we spent eating, and then eating again. We met up with Bob, our Tour Manager and Jonathan, our monitor engineer, who are both NY natives. We all boarded our next flight to Brazil finally late at night just as a huge thunderstorm broke out right when we took our seats…niiiiiice. This ended up stalling airport traffic at JFK for 45 minutes. But you know 45 minutes of no airplanes taking off or landing at an airport as busy as JFK means way waaay more trouble than 45 minutes. We ended up sitting in the plane, in line on the runway for over 4 hours. Crap. The captain came on and explained the situation. His exact words were “please, just sit back, relax…and wait”. Arms and I thought this was really funny. Like duh, what else can we do but wait?! We can’t pee cause you won’t let us get up and we can’t use our “electronic devices” since you won’t let us play with those…you whore! Anyway, we were getting a little stir crazy by now. It was already well into June 19th, so let’s move on….

June 19th.

Yah, so we finally took off from NY and began our 10-hour flight to Sao Paulo, Brazil. I really didn’t know what to expect when I got there. Would there be fans at the airport? Would anybody there even care about me or my music anymore? I mean, its been 4 years with nothing. 4 years of fighting with a label that I am now no longer even on. Would I be playing every night to the same 5 people? Concerns and thoughts like these bounced around in my head while I bounced around in my seat while the plane bounced around through the storm while we all fell asleep…(with the help of prescription drugs:)

I woke up to the plane descending through the gray clouds. We descended for a while and still were stuck in this thick gray cloud. All the sudden I saw grass and a field and we were maybe 50 feet off the ground and BOOM, the jets went to full throttle and we were blasting off, back up through the clouds. Yuck. Why does this weird flying crap always happen to me? Anyway, the captain came on a few minutes later and said “there vas something in ze runway we don’ta like”. Right….was it a zebra? A tuba? A scuba diver? Or maybe…uh, a plane!?!? We’ll never know. Anyway, we came back around again and landed. It was morning, maybe 10am or something. We were all pretty fried. JDJ should already be here by now….but wait, what’s this as I turn on my phone?…they’re in Miami?! Turns out they hit a whole wave of shit luck. Their first flight from LA to Dallas had an engine that was broken (I recommend not flying on planes with this problem:). Then they missed their flight from Dallas to Brazil, of course….had to spend the night in Dallas, then catch a flight to Miami which also got delayed due to some mechanical problem, if I am remembering correctly. Anyway, they had just got to Miami now, 24 hours later, and had to wait 8 more hours at the airport to get on a flight that would get them in to Brazil tomorrow afternoon or something. CRAZY! And I thought Arms and I had got it bad! I guess TAM airlines wins! JDJ were going to get into Sao Paulo tomorrow just in time to take a shower and play our first show…poor guys.

OK, so this was the moment of truth. Arms and I and Bob and Jonathan exited the plane, went through customs and made our way to baggage claim. Would our bags be there? Could we be that lucky? Yes! It’s incredible! AND….there were fans waiting for us! This was great. Good start. I signed and took pictures as we made our way to the bus. THE BUS. The TOUR bus? More like a giant coach/school bus with sort of more comfortable seats and a strong STROOOONG smell of urine. This was to be our bus for the next 3 weeks for any long distance drives…yum. And this first drive, which was about to happen now, was 7 hours. I took a deep breath of the cold wet Brazilian air before I stepped on “the stink bus.” It felt good to be back here. This is my 4th trip here and it will be my longest. 10 cities, 3 weeks, lots of work. I was ready….to sleep a bit more.

I woke up to the sound of screeching tires and heavy rain. We were plowing through twists and turns in this top heavy stink bus at max speed. To my left was a cliff of death with no guardrail, and to my right was my little-gross pillow that I was just sleeping on. I chose to not think about what was going on outside and try to go back to sleep on my little-gross-hard pillow. Sometimes it’s best not to know about certain things going on around you. Ignorance is bliss!

We showed up at the first hotel in the first city of the tour, Sao Jose do Rio Preto, at around 6PM. It’s winter down here in Brazil now, so it gets dark early, at around 5PM. I was kind of lost as to what time it was or where I was. This seemed like a small city, quaint. Was it? I had no clue. The hotel looked nice enough. We were all starving and were looking very forward to eating food that didn’t come from a little bag. But alas, there was a huge press junket waiting for me in a big room by the pool of the hotel that I had to attend to. I was surprised how many people were down there, maybe 50?! All taking pictures, asking questions…this was the real deal. It felt good. I learned that I was the first international artist to ever come to this city for a show. I was totally honored. I guess that explained the commotion. Arms and my crew and the local Brazilian crew and bodyguards and I all got cleaned up afterwards and went to dinner, finally, at a typical Brazilian BBQ restaurant. We wanted meat!!! Every different kind of meat brought to the table on giant skewers. They just cut a piece off for you and before you even have time to eat it, another guy comes along with some other tasty meat stick for you to have. It actually became quite ridiculous after a while and we had to start saying NO to the meat cause we were just too full. It was unreal tasty. I noticed a buzz around the restaurant from the locals and people working there. A familiar but long lost “we know who you are” in their stares. And they did, people started coming up to take pictures and get autographs; I guess I’m more known here than I thought, and still. I was more than happy to oblige. We had to head to a radio station next to do an acoustic live performance and interview. Problem was that our gear wasn’t going to arrive until tomorrow, so Arms and I had no guitars. We were going to have to rely on what the radio station had. Uh oh.

I couldn’t believe how many fans were waiting outside the station when we pulled up. There were too many to sign for and meet, safely, so we went into the station. There were all kinds of people all over the place inside this radio station. Most of them not working there, I think just they were there to “hang out” and meet us. It was chaos. They took us into the “live” room and showed us the poop we were going to be playing. Now, I’m not a snob when it comes to instruments. I don’t own tons of guitars, I actually only have 4 and they are all necessary. But the crap this place had that they thought we would be able to perform on was unreal horrible. I mean UNREAL. Then they pointed a camera in our face and said it was live….like on TV? I didn’t know. But I did get that it was being shown on a screen outside to all the fans, which was cool. So there we were; burned out, tired and full of meat, stuffed in a room with 20 other random people flashing pictures at us and through the control room window I could see our engineer Jonathan, with his little glasses on, trying to wrap his little head around the board and garbage they had for him to work with. Nothing really did work, so there really wasn’t much he could do. My guitar, or “shitar” as I liked to call it, kept cutting in and out and Arms had to play a nylon string piece of ass acoustic from Taiwan, 1982…maybe if we played flamenco music this would have been OK. Anyway, I had a voice and we had these sticks with strings on them, so we did what we do and made it through a few tunes….barely. The stupid DJ’s who were interviewing us talked loudly the whole time we were playing which I didn’t really understand…uh, why were we even there then? Shut your traps. Well, everyone else seemed to be happy. We did a bizarre interview and headed out. I tried to sign for a few people outside as we left but it was too crazy. We got back to the hotel and I pretty much crawled in to bed. I wondered how JDJ were doing, if they would even make it to play tomorrow’s show? And how would the show be? Would it be full? My thoughts fell apart and I fell asleep.

June 20th.

It was hard to get up. That would pretty much be the gist of every morning, only it would continue to get harder and harder. I had to go do some live morning TV. Honestly I don’t quite remember what it was now….but I did it. Then we went to another radio station for an interview. They played “Only One” twice! It was Arms’ first time ever hearing a song he co-wrote on the radio and he was freaking out. We ate lunch somewhere and headed back to the hotel. JDJ arrived! I saw Joey and Daniel James first by the pool; they were sitting there with fried looks on their faces. 52 hours of travel! They were so happy to be here finally…and the pool was beautiful with a waterfall and the sun shining. Then I ran into Jethro who was going up to his room with camera in hand. Jethro’s job on this tour was to film every second of everything for us to create the best damn live DVD ever. And the filming began now.

Shortly after that we all headed over to the venue for sound check. The place was like a giant hockey rink. White and cold and strange. There were already fans waiting in line outside which was a good sign considering it was 4PM and we didn’t go on until 1AM. What’s with that anyway? 1AM?! Almost every show this tour is at 1AM or later…craziness. Anyway, sound check was slow since it was our first one and there was A LOT for our crew and the locals to get together. The language barrier didn’t help things either. I found our giant case of CD’s and made sure we had a good place set up inside to sell them. And I made sure there would be a secure place after the show to sign for everyone. Yup, that’s right, my plan was to sign every single CD we sold at every show of the tour after we played each night. A great idea in mind, but as we carried it out and realized it meant going to bed when the sun was coming up or not going to bed at all, we kind of felt silly. Sound check finally wrapped up and everyone was happy enough with the sound. JDJ heard about how amazing the BBQ place was last night, so off we went back to eat the meats! So much meat. Too much meat. But it was tasty taste. The owner of the restaurant this time came up and wanted pictures with his daughters and me…so I had my translator tell him that I would, only if he’d give us free desert! Haha. The exchange went down and we all left happy and full. We had some time to kill back at the hotel since we weren’t going on until 1AM, so everyone cleaned up and rested.

We noticed cop cars when we left the hotel following us. I was concerned for a second until I realized that they were there to escort us! Then one of them jumped in front of our van and started clearing the way! He drove like a maniac, running through red lights, almost hitting pedestrians, lights and siren blazing…it was awesome! Although there really was no rush since we had plenty of time to get there…we all actually were getting a little scared by the reckless driving, it was pretty dangerous. Jethro of course was right next to me filming away! This DVD is going to be awesome and the tour had just begun! We got to the venue and did meet and greets and signed and took pictures. It was packed in the house! The band and I were getting excited and a little nervous for our first show down here. The venue couldn’t put my new giant banner up behind us on stage cause they didn’t have the necessary rigging or something…so that was kind of a bummer, but oh well. The lights went down and we were announced, everyone was screaming, I was back! The show was awesome, soooo much fun. The crowd was exactly like I remembered the Brazilians to be…full of life and energy…they sang every word to every song, even some of the new songs which they’ve only heard parts of from in-studio videos or whatever. It was electric. I felt electric. Why hadn’t I come here last year? Or the year before? Or the one before that? I am so happy to be a free agent now, no more label, no more rules, I call the shots. I brought this one Brazilian singer named Thiago Giacomelli on stage to sing “Could It Be Any Harder” with me. He had emailed me weeks before the show telling me how much he would love to sing with me, so I was like sure, what the hell… why not. He did a good job with the song, especially considering he had no monitors, no way to hear himself at all! He emailed me later to say how awesome it was. Thiago, glad we could make that happen for you, see you next year! Anyway, after about a 13-song set, we left the stage through the smoke and screams. We were all sweating like little pigs with big grins on our faces. Joey and Daniel James looked like they were ready to die though, they had been non stop for 3 days now and just poured their heart and soul and every little ounce left of them out on stage and into the crowd. These guys need to sleep I thought. But not yet! Encore time! The crowd was shouting for more so we went back out and played “Only One” and another new song on the EP called “Rest Of Our Lives”. It felt fucking great to play these new songs, with this kick ass band behind me, and a huge crowd in front of me sucking it up. Our show was over and I ran off stage and collapsed in our dressing room. I hadn’t played a set that long in a loooooong time! We had a little time to chill and regroup and get ready for the CD signing. I didn’t know what to expect with this whole “sign the EP CD’s after the show thing”….would people buy the music? Could people afford to buy the music? I tried to make it as cheap as possible. Would this be organized in any way at all? I was guessing not. And I was right. The body guards took me and the band out to a barricaded section of the venue that was almost completely surrounded by fans waving their newly bought CD’s in their hands and screaming. There was no line or table or anything of that nature, this was chaos. I just started grabbing CD’s from people and signing as fast as I could. It was an impossibility to take pictures with them all…and they all wanted them! I’m sorry guys. They were all pushing up against the barricades and the 10 or so bodyguards were having a hard time keeping them back. Some people were getting squished and pushed and shoved and kicked as the mass toppled over the metal walls. We almost pulled the plug on the operation due to safety, but I just tried to get to every single person as fast as possible….which I eventually did, an hour or so later. That was insane! At around 4AM we left the venue and made our way back to the hotel, tired and wet and completely destroyed. The Magical Stink Bus was supposed to leave the hotel with us inside it in like 2 hours, so I don’t think anyone slept in the hotel at all. As soon as the bus showed up I got on and crashed in my crappy seat with my little stiff pillow. We left for an 8-hour journey to the next city, Santos. It was so late it was early. I watched the sun come out through my closed eyelids as it shined hot through the front glass of the bus. It was a double-decker and I sat on the top in the front…so it was a great view and as if I was driving. But unfortunately I was not driving. Crazy Bones Jones was at the wheel again and it was a wet, wild and windy night/day.

June 21st.

I woke up on the bus as it pulled in to the hotel in Santos. It was raining still. The weather had mostly sucked since we’d been here. It was gray and cloudy, but not just in the sky, it was cloudy in my brain. I was sore and tired and felt dirty. Luckily we had some time at the hotel to sleep a bit in a real bed and shower. When I opened the door to my room this loud voice started yelling at me in Portuguese. It scared the crap out of me! Fucking Woody The Wood Pecker screaming at me in Portuguese! I didn’t know what he was saying, I didn’t care. I grabbed the remote control to silence this evil bird but it did nothing. I kept pushing power and Woody kept yelling. I went medieval and actually walked up to the TV and pushed the power button on it…nothing….just some words in Portuguese came on the screen saying something that I believe said “No, you can not turn me off, I will eat your soul”. I found the power cord and traced it back to the wall and yanked. Ah, silence. I found out later that almost everyone had this problem in their rooms, nice. Some hours later we left to go do a radio visit and then to the gig for sound check.

This was a larger venue than last night and we were supposedly going to have north of 5,000 people there, which was great news. It was another strange building in the middle of nowhere. Looked like a fucked up circus that no one had performed in for 50 years. Huge, cold and empty. It looked like it was about to fall apart at every crack. Sound check was tough in this huge metal womb. It took our guys quite a while to get it to NOT sound like complete ass. I walked in to our dressing room after to grab something to drink and there was this huge wall of photographs. It looked like they were shots of all these different Brazilian artists that had played the venue over the last 20 years or so. Some funny FUNNY pictures. But one right in the center caught my eye. It was Arms. I stepped closer and yes, yes I do believe that is Arms! Wait no, it’s like Arms’ fatter, more feminine doppelganger…complete with a mullet and makeup! This was amazing! I had to show everyone including Arms. They all thought the resemblance was uncanny! To the right of “Arms” looked like his younger brother, or boyfriend? Not sure. You decide:

After having a good laugh, we all headed back to the hotel to eat and chill a bit before tonight’s 1AM show time. The hotel got us one of their conference rooms and we set up shop for the tour’s first POKER MATCH. Yes that’s right, we brought poker chips with us from the states and we had Brazilian Real$ and we were ready to play! Daniel James is probably the best player amongst us, some of us like Jethro and Jonathan had barely ever played before, but they were really good too. We had so much fun. This was the beginning of our poker obsession for this tour. We all ordered dinner to our “poker den” and it took like 2 hours to show up which was a buzz kill. I got a salad which everyone including my doctor back in LA said not to eat, but I did cause I’m an idiot. It wasn’t very good and I felt like I might pay for it later. Daniel James won the most money of course, but we all had fun. His luck was sure to change….oh yes, it was. Everyone got ready for the show and we headed off in two cars. My car pulled up to the venue…it was looking packed, great! I was wondering where the other car was with Jethro and the crew in it. Like 30 minutes later they pulled up. Turns out they were pulled over by all these cops and held at gunpoint! I guess the cops thought Jethro was holding the people in the car hostage since he was sitting in between two people in the back with his big video camera. They said it was scary….glad I wasn’t in that car! Jeez. It was meet and greet time in the dressing room. Debbie (AKA Calling Mom) had helped set up meetings with Street Team members and me for some of the nights of the tour. Thanks Deb! And thank you to all the Street Team members who came to the shows, supported the tour and brought me gifts! Tonight I got one of those scrolls! Ah yes, the Brazilian scroll, I have some back in my storage unit at home from many years back. This scroll was huge! The size of a tire! The girl said it took her one-year to make and was hundreds and hundreds of feet long! Thank you for that! I need to rent a football field one of these days and unroll these things to see what they say! I know it’s “I love Alex, I love The Calling” over and over…but maybe like the last few pages say “I hate you idiot”. Maybe not. We finished up the meeting and greeting and started getting ready for the show. This show was nutz. The stage was huge, the crowd was huge, the lights were great, my big banner was up, it was sweeeet. Jethro was running around on stage while we performed getting awesome footage. We ended the concert and headed back to the dressing room to decompress. Somehow a large crowd formed backstage outside the door of our dressing room. Maybe radio winners? Friends of people who work there? Friends of those people’s friends? I don’t know. All I knew is that I was exhausted and it was time for another round of “Sign the CD’s” madness. This time it was much more organized as I requested. We had a nice little table set up where each of us in the band sat in a row with nice little black markers and fans would come into the secured space a few at a time and I could interact with them and give them the time they deserved, albeit maybe 10 seconds each. We must have signed for over 600 people and about an hour later we wrapped it up and headed back to the dressing room, pushing through the backstage crowd. Before we left I ended up taking pictures and signing for all the backstage crowd, cause I’m a nice guy and hey…it was only like 4AM, no problems! We jumped in the bus o’ stank and sped away back to our hotel. Luckily we didn’t have to leave until like 1PM the next day to drive to Sao Paulo, so we all got some much needed rest in a real bed. There was a spider in my bed of course though. It bit both my big toes…fucking jerk……

to be continued!